Verso l’ignoto – parte prima.

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Milano. Stazione centrale. Ore 7:30 di un qualunque lunedì grigio di un qualunque novembre. Né troppo freddo da desiderare che arrivi in fretta il treno, né troppo caldo da permettere di godere degli ultimi istanti di certezza. Guarda ancora il tabellone delle partenze, aspetta. In un eccesso di ansia si chiede se ha preso tutto ma, al diavolo, che vadano come vadano, le cose. Che a pianificarle, questi sono i risultati.
Finalmente si aprono le porte del treno già fermo in stazione da un po’. Le guarda, per qualche secondo, e involontariamente pensa a tutte le persone che gli hanno rifilato la solita vecchia storia: se si chiude una porta, si apre un portone. Non è mica detto, non è una legge fisica. E c’è sempre l’eccezione che conferma la regola. Non avrebbe mai dovuto trasferirsi qui, questi sono i fatti. Decide di salire, ingoiando la saliva come fosse un sasso e inizia a cercare il suo posto. 17 b.
Cominciamo bene…. Di fianco a lui, un signore anziano si toglie la giacca, la sistema sul portapacchi e torna a sedersi al suo posto finestrino. Si godrà il panorama in tutta tranquillità. A lui neanche questa piccola fortuna è stata concessa. Si siede tra due posti che saranno presto occupati e inizia a pensare che non sarebbe dovuto salire. Che forse era meglio insistere un altro po’, sulla questione Milano, o che forse avrebbe fatto bene a tornare a casa e basta, a chiudersi nella sua vecchia cameretta come faceva da ragazzo e immaginare mondi migliori. Ma ora non è più un
ragazzo. Ha 35 anni. E ogni sua azione probabilmente porterà ad una reazione uguale e contraria di cui ben presto pagherà le conseguenze.
Ancora immerso in tutti questi dubbi si sorprende a vedere allontanarsi lentamente i capannoni della stazione e il loro groviglio di binari morti e, senza volerlo, si sente più leggero nonostante tutto. «La prossima volta che tornerò, sarà per chiudere il contratto d’affitto e portar via quel che resta lontano da qui! Per sempre».
Non sa più nulla, non ha più nulla. Se qualcuno gli chiedesse di descriversi, in questo momento, non saprebbe farlo. È di fronte a una pagina bianca nel bel mezzo di un romanzo che si preannunciava avvincente, o perlomeno interessante, ma non ha ancora imparato a scrivere. La sola certezza è che tra un’ora e quarantacinque arriverà a Genova.
Non ha avvisato nessuno di questa partenza, non avrebbero capito. Sarebbe stata la solita fiera delle frasi fatte, tra un “ma ti sembra il momento?”, un “devi pensare al futuro” e un “quando metterai la testa a posto?”. Non ne ha bisogno ora. Chissà perché la gente ha i consigli sempre pronti sulla lingua ma continua a commettere errori nella propria esistenza. Tutti maestri di vita quando la posta in gioco è altrui.
I minuti trascorrono lenti e lineari. Al momento di scendere, ripensa ancora una volta che non ha mai fatto quello che sta per fare. Una decisione a bruciapelo, quasi una sfida. Proprio così, quella vetrina lo ha sfidato, mentre se ne tornava a casa, dopo la delusione, fradicio per aver dimenticato l’ombrello in ufficio – ironia della sorte – sotto quella fastidiosissima pioggerella silenziosa. Ora che ci pensa, tornerà a prenderselo, il suo ombrello, e non per i 3 euro spesi ai grandi magazzini, ma
per principio. Non deve rimanere niente di suo in quel posto di sepolcri imbiancati.
E così scende, chiede indicazioni per il porto, non conoscendo minimamente la città, anzi, non conoscendo minimamente nessuna città in particolare. Decide di indossare gli occhiali da sole per assumere un’aria meno insicura e inizia a tirare il suo trolley in quella che potrebbe essere una qualunque direzione. Dopo un po’ di cammino crede di essere arrivato. Prende dalla tasca della giacca le carte d’imbarco e dice tra sé: «Alla faccia loro!».

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